Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Not all good things come to an end...

Well, it's been some time since I have talked about my future plans, and I assume for those of you who don't already know what I am up to, are starting to get curious.

As you remember, I applied for grad school at DePaul University for a Master's of Secondary Education with a focus in teaching Spanish and I was accepted. I applied a few months back still not sure if I really wanted to move back to the States or if I wanted to continue living my dream life here. I wasn't quite sure about much so figured that applying would be smart so that I would have options. The acceptance letter arrived to my Grammy's house and she immediatley called me. She told me I had received an envelope. I was excited because I know that a small envelope means rejection and I figured it would be the easiest way to not have to make a decision. However, she then told me that it was a big envelope, which I knew meant acceptance. My gut reaction at that moment was 'I wish I hadn't been accepted.' Grammy read the congrats letter and sent if off in the mail and since it was only a few days before my Semana Santa trip to Denmark, Sweden, Latvia and Berlin, I decided to not stress myself out yet about life plans.

I did a lot of thinking over the next few days and a lot on the trip and while in Sweden, on the island of Vaxholm, when I was sitting alone on a private dock - just me, the waves and the cold, I decided that I would reject the acceptance and continue living in Spain. I think that as soon as I heard that I was accepted I knew that I wouldn't go back, but such a big decision took some time for me to admit to myself.

A quote came to my mind that really set it straight for me: The dream of the person you wish to be is a waste of the person that you are. Here I am, halfway across the world, but happier than ever. I am very content with every aspect of my life and thinking about changing it kind of breaks my heart. I love my job (here is a photo of me, Erika and Sean on the last day of class - we are all coming back again next year), learning Spanish (and a picture of me and the girls of our Spanish class and our teacher Elena on our last day of class) and the people that surround me. Why try to fix something that isn't broken?

Also, I feel most people, in the end, regret more the things that they DIDN'T do instead of the things that they did that didn't turn out the way they had hoped. I thought that I would rather be a person who lived her dream in Spain rather than a Spanish teacher who was constantly thinking about the life she could have had if she had stayed in Spain. Who knows, maybe one day I will move back to the USA and regret having living here so long, but at least I can say I did it and smile at that fact.

Well, the letter arrived after I returned from the travels, and as it turns out I can defer the enrollment from Fall 2010 to Summer 2011, and this is what I will do. I made the decision thinking I couldn't defer it, so this is sort of just a back-up plan that if come next year I do a 180ยบ and want to leave this life, I have an out. However, I don't really see that happening. But, just in case.

So, that is my life update. It's quite a big decision, but one that I feel secure and very happy with. With that said...if anyone was planning on visiting, you now have more time to save your pennies because I will be here for some time!


1 comment:

Ron Trembath said...

Personally, it seems like you made the right choice! People are always reaching out for more, in all the wrong places. I applaud your courage Amanda!